missing my family

i miss my family so much more than i thought i would. all of us living in arkansas made us closer than we ever had been. then i go and leave. i appreciate them more and more everyday. i've missed them dearly during this christmas and wish i could have seen them at least one day.

but it is okay because i live with incredible girls and god is blessing me.

i do miss watching my niece grow up as well. she is such a blessing to our family. we love her SO much.
here is a picture of her this christmas. i love this picture! how could you not love this little face?

what a wonderful christmas

christmas was rather splendid besides having to work most of the day.
my roomies got up early so we could have banana pancakes and open presents.

then off to work some of us went.... having never worked christmas before, i was in for an interesting day that made my heart sad...so many unhappy people irritated with their families coming to rent movies so they don't have to talk to eachother... and to be rude to someone who is working on christmas is just plain ridiculous. i was treated so poorly by several customers. this whole season has put customer service and the value of retail workers into perspective for me. good lessons. and i can't wait to be out of retail. i loathe it.

anyway, back to christmas... it was good to have people to spend it with, girls who have become family to me. i am blessed.
we ate dinner around midnight once everyone was home and the turkey finished baking. we got dressed up and sat together formally at our wonderfully decorated table. we shared laughs and wonderful thoughts, toasted in the life of christ and how god has brought the four of us together. the food was delectable and we had an amazing time.
here are a few pictures:

christmas is here

christmas is here and i'm so excited. but sad i can't be with my family and that i have to work today and tomorrow.
but, this season is such a great time to reflect on god's love for all of us.
worship yesterday was so amazing! i love my church! it's so focused and i love how artsy it is!
i also saw a jbu alum who was a youth pastor in siloam and is now the junior high pastor at rock harbor. small world. the world got smaller as i went and said hello even though i don't know the guy too well and there were 2 other jbu alum couples there. it was so great. i was so happy to see familiar faces (even though i didn't know them too well) and it made me get tears in my eyes because i miss my friends and family in arkansas so much. so i went out to lunch with the couples...haha...all marrieds...but god answered about 3 prayers yesterday morning with those people. it was incredible. i'm hanging out with them tonight and i am so excited. i'm also going to probably start helping with the youth at rock harbor...something i was already thinking of and now i know there is a need. i'm excited!
christmas day will be interesting. my roomies and i are getting up for pancakes and presents...then off to work. we are making a great dinner after we all get home and i'm excited since we didn't do anything for thanksgiving.

so thank you jesus for the little things and coming to save us from our sin.

word of the day: excited. :)

o christmas tree

it's christmas!



new roomies!






















our beautiful tree!

fear

fear consumes me tonight...or rather this morning.
so much going on in life but it has been overshadowed by an unknown illness.
i have been fighting a cold for over a month. on and off again.
now it is something worse.
i was up all night with a fever and chills due to an unsightly vision taking over my throat.
my left tonsil is engorged, swollen, inflamed, what have you.
behind the tonsil on the back of my throat are sores that look like bubbles of flesh. this is causing the most excruciating pain.
i've taken a number of medicines and herbal supplements not to mention a constant self prescribed dose of ibuprofen and hydrocodone. i feel like a pill popper. ridiculous.
but the pain persists. it is less intense but it remains as i try to talk and swallow and breathe.
tomorrow i am going to to the doctor and pray that i can afford it since i don't have health insurance. i hate our medical system.
i did some reading and have discovered that my symptoms (some not even mentioned) are due to either tonsillitis or oral cancer on top of probably strep throat.
i'm so incredibly scared. whichever my diagnosis...there still lies a lot of pain, most likely surgery, long recovery and lots of bills.
i'm already having a hard time making rent. now i might have to take more time off?
i'm so tired and weak and i'm tired of all the drama in my life...more on that another time.

please pray for me...for the sickness, pain and the financial strain.

more than a month

it's been awhile little blog. sorry.
so much has happened.
much to tell...
tomorrow

love letter

To the one I love,
I love you more than you can fathom. Every bit of you I adore. The way you laugh. The way you cry. Every step you take. Every breath. Every smile. Even your tears, I love. They are for me to wipe away. And I will cradle you in my arms. I love the silly things you do. I love that you aren't afraid to be you. I love to watch you when you sleep. Sometimes I want you all to myself. I get jealous of those who have your attention instead of me. I want you to want me. I want you to need me. I want you to pick me over all else. I hope you will pick me over all else. I want you to look at me the way I look at you. I want you to see your beauty reflected through me. I want to be on your mind always. I want to be the first you talk to when you wake up. I want to be the last you talk to before you go to sleep. I love hearing your voice. When you talk to me I know that you love me, and you trust me. When you think of me, I want you to light up, always. I love the tenderness in your heart. I want you to always put others first. I want you to be near me always. And I will be with you, always.
Love, Jesus

disney

today i am meeting with an executive producer for disney.
how cool is that?

bite that tongue

i'm learning a valuable lesson. to just let people have their opinions and not try to always give them mine. even if i know i am right. it's not worth it. not really.
only if i think it's harmful to them...like friends who smoke excessively. my grandpa died from emphysema caused by smoking, so i think my opinion is pretty valid.

friday

a few things about my friday

i saw a dog recycling....carrying a plastic bottle in his mouth while being walked by a teenage girl....only in California do our pets recycle as well. i really wish i would have had my camera and wasn't driving in my car. it was a hilarious sight.

i got a car wash finally since my car was so gross and it was really nice out despite this rumor of a huge rain storm. yeah, the storm came. i'm such a dork. oh, and i dropped my phone in a puddle. i have the worst experiences with cell phones. seriously.
and southern californians cannot drive in the rain. not at all. ridiculous people. and only in california do people run their sprinklers when it rains....we are suppose to be eco-friendly people...come on!
i really miss lightning when it rains. we don't have that here either. i guess i'll take the day of lightning free rain and several days of sunshine over the rainy gloomy weeks of what arkansas is sometimes.

i went to my friend sarah's birthday party. welcome to the 30 club sarah! i met a lot of interesting and cool people, plus got to reminise with sarah about highschool and biola days. so much fun.

i'm pretty much moved into my own room...more about that later!

i chose my family over the emmy's

so i could have gone to the emmy's today and the governor's ball with my roomie, but i chose to hang out with my family instead. little did i know what i was missing out on...but i did have a great and needed time with my family! plus i got to hang out in the presidential suite of the hilton in huntington beach. no big deal.

disappointment

i didn't get the job at john wells. i'm like really sad and a little depressed.
i know i will be ok, but it still sucks. i'm usually the person who gets the job. there has to be something better out there for me. i'm tired of looking, plus i don't know what's going on with the roomate situation. i'm so scared right now.
plus i have like $5 in the bank. goodness.
sorry for sounding so down, but it's where i'm at right now. i know it's not forever and i know that there is always something better, but these are the days when i start doubting if i made the right choice to move out here.
please just pray for me.

anticipation

this week is full of questions and wonderings. is wondering even a word?
anyway...
this week i find out whether i will be getting the job i so badly want.
this week i have to make some housing decisions. to stay or leave. is staying even an option? i'm not sure anymore.
if i get the job, do i look for housing closer to the city?
if i get housing closer to the city, do i leave this church i love or commute a ridiculous amount?
if i stay at this church, do i join a lifegroup or a discipleship group?
what to do? what to do?
i first have to find out about the job.
patience is not a gift of mine. nor is mercy. i need to work on those.

community.

i really need community in my life right now. i miss so many people that i love so very much, who mean the world to me. i didn't think it would be this hard but i've been here for a few months and i still don't have the community i need and want. i need people. i'm such a people person and such an extrovert so this is killing me. i need consistent community in my life. i know a lot of people around here, but they are all scattered. i'm still trying to meet people at church but i think i really need to be in a small group or something and be more pro-active. i also need to pray for the community in my house. not so good right now. it's hard but i think it will get better soon. i hope. i think this sunday i plan to go and talk to people after the worship service. there are a few people i have met but i need to pursue some friendships.

thursday.

first, went on my second interview. was about 2 minutes late. i swear my nerves are going to get the best of me. if you know me at all you know that i am ridiculously punctual. i hate being late and usually i am the 15 minutes early girl. but i was late, again.
god is seriously kicking my butt right now because i so want to control everything and well, he definitely reminded me that today, he was in control. i'm learning these stupid hard lessons that suck big time but are still worth it.
the interview went well. i was interviewed by 4 people. it was a tad crazy but i enjoyed meeting each person and i hope to one day work with them. i really want this job. somehow in my stupid mind i feel like i'm trying to earn it from god...that if i'm good enough he will give it to me because i'm a good christian girl. the reality: i don't deserve this job. i don't deserve a lot of things and yet he still provides. his ultimate provision being the grace i've received and the freedom and love, justice and faith. i don't deserve it, but he gave. he gave it all.
if i get this job it's because god is giving it to me. yeah, i'd be so great at it because i'm practically made for it, but the truth is i've done nothing short of almost ruining all my chances. twice late....seriously? i'm stupid and i don't deserve it.
but i sure do want it. i guess i'm just gonna have to wait for that door to open or shut.

today i watched too many episodes of grey's anatomy. i needed to just escape for a bit. all the time i spent working on papers and projects and studies kept me from watching tv, so now i'm sort of catching up. i like the show and yet i don't like the show. i mostly really like it. there are just parts/story lines that really piss me off and unlike most girls, i'm not a big fan of the main character. she kind of bugs me. maybe not all the time, but she can be so freakin depressing. oh my goodness...as if i were talking about a real person. although i do want my mcdreamy. enough said.

today i'm tired of drama. i'm sick of people who are not above reproach and who do not share many of my same values. not that i want to force people to think and act the way i do, but it seems like there is an unspoken set of values that should exist but apparently not everyone sees things that way. it's so frustrating, especially when i get advice or counsel and realize that i am not the only one who thinks it's weird. (sorry this is totally vague, but i just needed to vent a little)

personal goal today: drink more water!

i have a crush.

ok before i can go to sleep, i must confess.
i have a crush. i've not had one in a really long time.
forget eharmony.

have you ever met someone that you just can't get out of you mind. this is what it's like. i want to scream from the inside out proclaiming, "notice me, pursue me, pick me, love me." maybe not all at once but is it so bad to be wanted? to be desired? for someone to look into your eyes and you know they just love you for who you are. i want that. i want to be loved. i already know i am loved by the Lord but now i am ready to be loved by a man and to love him back. i don't expect this to happen overnight but these feelings inside are a little overwhelming. is it because i am 30 and haven't dated in who knows how long? is it because i am looking forward? scared?

i met a woman the other day who is attractive and seems nice, but she's 38 and single. what the heck is going on? i don't understand men sometimes. they want to be this warrior, this pursuer but why is it that most single women i know aren't being pursued? come on, i need some enlightenment... i know it's scary but seriously? seriously? ok, this was not meant to become a bitter rant about being 30 and single. my apologies.

back to the crush. this guy. he's amazing. from what i have observed and encountered already. his heart is huge and bursting forth with tensions and struggles and hopes and dreams about life and love and god. i'm so inspired. it seems weird to "know" this much about someone i hardly know. i so desperately want to know him more, besides the words he writes and his eyes. i honestly could get lost in his eyes. (i sound ridiculous). his smile beams so brightly. he's funny and handsome and tall. i see how loved he is by others and how he loves them. (i really sound ridiculous) maybe i'm just a little too observant. i remember such random details and things that no one else does. like for the brief moment i looked up and saw how desperate he cried out to god during worship. or how i noticed that he noticed me but pretended not to notice when walking by. maybe we'll be good friends. maybe more. for now, i just want to get to know him. but i'm too bold sometimes and maybe too intentional and too pushy. i don't want to be that girl. i want to be pursued but i also refuse to play games and i want to be myself. so many times i try to fit the mold i think the guy will like. quiet, mysterious, what have you....but i am neither quiet nor mysterious. i'm me. i like to talk, laugh and i'm not afraid to be bold and to show my feelings...sometimes i might show them too much. i snort when i laugh. i cry over the most stupid of things. i love hugs and long conversations. anyway, i hope he will see the me that my closest friends see and i hope this crush doesn't actually crush me.

for those of you who want to say it, i've already reminded myself to guard my heart. don't worry so much. i'm just writing my thoughts and sharing them. i just haven't felt this way before. it's different and i don't know how to explain it. maybe i've just learned to identify the good guys better. they are out there. i just want one to pursue me. and i wouldn't object to this man.

interview no. 2

so i got called back for a second interview, even after wearing flip flops. how amazing is that?
i'm a nervous wreck. at least i wont forget my heels. :)
my interview is tomorrow morning. so i am going to bed now.

i love my church

i love the church i'm going to here in orange county.
love it. the pastors. the people. the worship. the community. it's exactly what i need right now in my life.

just finished a series on the lord's prayer today. incredible.
oh to purge myself of the sin, guilt, shame and the disgust of my life. how could i not for god? how could i not want to be a disciple of christ? and how could i want anything but to follow him and love him even when i am tired and broke, discouraged, weary and broken? how could i?

sometimes i yearn more for what i think is a tangible security when all i need is to be held by my heavenly father.

my faith ought to be more than just cheap grace. it needs to be costly. i need to know that christ is all that matters. like dietrich bonhoeffer says from the cost of discipleship, "no other significance is possible, since Jesus is the only significance. Beside Jesus, nothing has any significance. He alone matters."

that's life.

it sure is gonna be hard.

but it will be well worth it.

worth waiting.
worth working hard.
worth hoping.
worth praying.
worth giving.
worth serving.
worth loving.
worth living.

and that's life.

are you ready?

flip flop interview

so monday i had the interview of a lifetime with john wells productions (ER, West Wing, Far From Heaven, White Oleander) and i wore flip flops.
please note that this was in no way on purpose.
i left my house with plenty of time to get to burbank and while i was looking for a starbucks to pass the time (i was 40 min early) and talking to my mom, i realized that i forgot my heels. not wanting to drive in heels, i had left my house wearing flip flops. well, i forgot the heels.
panic set in. how could i go to an interview in flip flops? i started to cry and hung up on my mom. i frantically began to drive around searching for any shoe store. anything! i found one but no dress shoes...yet a mall was apparently 1 mile up the road.
the mall didn't exist. by the time i realized i was lost i had to turn around before it was too late.
well, i was late. five minutes. i sat and waited in the fancy and quite professional lobby, five minutes late wearing flip flops.
i suck sometimes. my parents say i am way too hard on myself.
but seriously...flip flops? i might as well have been wearing slippers.

the interview went ok besides my heart pounding, my hands shaking, my stomach turning. she knew i was nervous as i talked and told me there was nothing to be nervous about. yeah right i thought. yeah right. i'm trying to impress you, sell myself to you and be professional but i'm wearing flippin' flip flops. the only time in my ENTIRE life that i've hated flip flops.
if i get this job then the power of god will never ever be a doubt in my mind because i would not hire someone who is five minutes late wearing flip flops. the extent of grace is sometimes beyond my understanding. really what i mean to say is that if i get this job then it is only because of god and his grace and power. i thought i had it all together but he is so much more in control. and if i don't get this job, then i know i'm an idiot. not really. i know that there is something else.
the bottom line is that i know that my faith does not rely on whether i get this job. and that's what matters more.
we learn from our experiences.
i won't ever wear flip flops again to an interview. that's for sure.

this stuff only happens to me. oh and lauren pemberton.

my parents are right. i am too hard on myself. i hate it when they are right.

i find out about the job by the end of next week...so in like a week.

it's all mundane.

so i'm out here in california, where i wanted to be with all my heart.
and where i know god wants me to be.

but i am bored.
first off...i realized since i graduated in may that i am addicted to being busy. that's a problem when your life is full of things and then is not so full. yeah, it was cool for awhile but now it is hard. i do have things to get done, like edit some more photos and work on finishing a wedding video, but other than that, life is a little dull.
i got a job working at hollywood video. it's not what i want to be doing. not at all. yeah, i was hired as a supervisor and i get free movie rentals but how long must i work there until i get a break in the real hollywood? i send out resumes almost everyday. nothing yet.
i also have no money. and this is literally not a joke. i'll be lucky if i have money to pay my september rent. how stressful is that? i know it wil be ok, i just wanted to complain about it for a second. i'm also taking donations.

just having a hard time finding joy in the mundane and day to day things which i know i should.

i've been crying a lot lately and i'm not sure if it's pms or just stress or a combo. i seriously cried a lot today. i cried about my job and finances and that i don't have much community here plus i miss jbu so much (they started freshman orientation today which i always was at because of being a director of student activities) nor do i have a boyfriend. i really should not have watched say anything today. i love that movie but then it makes me want to be in love and can someone tell me where all the lloyd doblers' are today? someone, please. can i please just meet a great guy who thinks i'm fantastic, who loves jesus, but is not perfect and will challenge me? is that too much to ask? if only john cusack was a christian, oh and someone who i actually have the chance of meeting...

i also watched a movie that is coming out tuesday on dvd called Broken English. If you are a 30 something single woman, you should watch this film. A summary of the film... "Nora Wilder is freaking out. Everyone around her is in a relationship, is married, or has children. Nora is in her thirties, alone with a job she's outgrown and a mother who constantly reminds her of it all. Not to mention her best friend Audrey's "perfect marriage"'
story of my life. and i’m not even kidding.
(then she meets this french guy who changes it all-left that out since i have yet to meet any french men...but i have been watching plenty french films.)

eharmony madness

so i sort of joined eharmony.
i just want to go on some dates. i miss dating.
i haven't committed. financially that is. it costs to communicate.

but that's not the story i want to share.

so few days after joining, i got matched with "bob" (we'll call him bob to protect his privacy)
anyway, so i already know bob. we are friends. and so now i giggle at this incident.
there are a few reasons for my laughter.
1. bob is just my friend and i would have never thought we'd be "matched"
2. bob doesn't seem like the eharmony type of guy-go figure...those who seem to be on the path to singleness are just dying inside to find love...
3. bob "fast tracked" me which means we skip all the slow communication and just start talking freely through emails. haha. (but i can't read his personalized message to me until i pay the monthly fee of 59.95 or something like that. (that's a lot of money for a couple of dates)
4. bob knows it's me and this makes me laugh harder. it actually makes me snort.

i think that's all for now. but if you know bob and you know me, you would laugh as well.
bob, i love you and i hope you are laughing.
you're a good friend, bob. yes bob, you are.
thanks for letting me write about you (although you probably won't even read this, so no big deal).



maybe i won't have to actually join eharmony to get a date after all....

writing

I'm not very good at this whole blogging thing. I always think of stuff I want to go write but then I get distracted and forget to do it. Then I want to try and go back and write from there, but then I realize I will never catch up. Too much happens in life.
This is meant to be a creative outlet to let others know what is going on in my life and well, sometimes my life is not all that interesting...and the stuff that is...I either can't or don't want to write about it for some reason or another.
so there.

my birthday is tomorrow.
i will be 30.
let's review these last 30 years...

3 Cheers for Frontier Ranch

Tonight as I waited for a couple of important phone calls, I watched my old staff videos from Frontier Ranch.
I worked there for 3 summers and did many promotional videos for the camp and it's larger conference center-Mission Springs. This place is located in the Santa Cruz mountains, in Scotts Valley.
The summers of 1999 & 2000 were spent as the audio/visual tech and then in 2001 I was a counselor. These were by far some of the best if not THE best summers of my life. The things I learned and the people that changed my life are forever remembered and ultimately captured in these videos. Moments filled with laughter and tears, struggles and accomplishments.
If you ever get to work at a camp---DO IT!
As I reflect on my summers I remember SO MUCH. I have so many fond memories and of course a few not so fun memories. But even the not so fun turned into life lessons and I have no regrets. None.
I wish I could sum up Frontier Ranch for you, but it would be so hard because each summer had it's unique qualities...
a few common denominators...
primetime...high ropes...campfire...dirty feet...camper skits...minibikes...counselor meetings...the canvas cabins...the Wagon Wheel...the bell...cabin raps...adorate...staff skit night...the goodnight prayer...the pool trail...the rules video...shameless fun...the old staff house...amazing friends...crafts...fruitworks...overcast beach day...baywatch run...the theme skit...inside jokes...if you can't see the camera...slurpees...the cliffs...camp food...the zipline...memory verses...program week...morning devos...the Bible rap...cabin rats...the sewage issues...pizza my heart...the costume closet...awards ceremony...the willow trees...song cards...
and well, I'm sure there are a lot more things...
Such grand and great memories.
Thanks to everyone who was a part of my life those summers!

If you read this and you worked at Frontier, post some of your favorite memories and when you worked there!

Moving from Arkansas to California

So I've had quite the move from Arkansas to California.
I graduated from JBU on May 5 and the packing began shortly after.
I left Arkansas on May 21st. First stop: Kansas.
Kansas was great! I stayed with my friend Ellen and we had some great talks, went to Drubers where we met up with Laura, Derek and his friend. Late night donuts=not so good on the tummy.
A little thought about Kansas-it's flat and I'm not a big fan, but I do have to say that they have incredible sunsets. wow.


Me and Ellen

Me and Laura


Next Stop: Colorado for like 3 days.
I left Kansas and headed west toward Colorado, leaving behind all the flatness.
I met up with my friend Jeremy whose parents own a rafting company. rafting for free. heck yes. thank you mr and mrs grant.
I got to be the guinea pig for the new guides which was fun and scary all at the same time. The water was freezing so we got to wear these super attractive outfits. But the experience and staying somewhat warm was worth how ridiculous you look.
The trip down the Arkansas river lasted basically all day. We pulled out a couple of times for water and bathroom breaks. Wet clothes+going to the bathroom=at least 15 min. We rafted through the Royal Gorge which is comprised of rock on both sides of you. "please jesus don't let me die" went through my head at least once. Thank goodness I was sitting in the back at this point. The thrill of rafting was so amazing. I miss this much adventure in my life. I also got a cool t-shirt. Way to go Jeremy-my amazing graphic design/illustration friend. here are a few pictures:

On the river with Jeremy

Jeremy helping some of the guides with their training


I left Jeremy's and headed North to see Brittany! Brittany is by far one of the sweetest people I know and one of my best friends from JBU. We just chilled out at her house, talked and ate food (what we do best-haha).


Boulder, CO was next on the horizon. On the way to Kelly and Jeremy's I drove past some of the most amazing sights I've ever seen...rolling hills of green, mountains, blue skies and white fluffy clouds forever. It was incredible. I stayed the night at Kelly and Jeremy's who gave up their bed for me because Kelly likes to sleep in different places. She is so silly. She told me about how on their honeymoon they were able to switch bungalows every couple nights. Their story is quite phenomenal. God had his hand in every part of their relationship. It's one of the best stories I've heard but it's too long to share here-maybe another time. I had a fabulous dinner with them and then we stayed up until about 1am talking and watching my senior film. It was such fun! The next morning I went to Pearl street in Boulder to take some pictures and then went to the airport to pick up Cortney! The driving again-beautiful! Picking up Cortney was an adventure but we had fun and it was so great to see her! Then I left Colorado.

Kelly, Jeremy and I

Dad and kid in Boulder

Creepy Colorado Dude

Cortney and I in my stuffed car


On the road again...
From Colorado I went up and through the Southern part of Wyoming, giving a shout out to my friend Joel-I even called him. Too bad he lived too far north. The trip to Salt Lake City was long but beautiful. I stayed with my sister's bff and our family friend. Peggy and her FOUR children welcomed me with open arms. We just chilled out and then went into the city. Going to the LDS temple was interesting. It was late, so it was dark and it seemed to loom under the moon and gave off a rather eerie presence. Although picturesque, it was dark. We left the temple and passed by several taco trucks. We gave into our craving and stopped. yummy tacos. A little questionable, but still good and no sick tummy's. The next day I took family pictures for Peggy and then I was off for my longest trek...through Nevada and into California! So very exciting!





Peggy, Lilyana and Me at the Taco Shop


As I drew closer to California, I stopped to eat dinner at In-n-Out. Scrumptious. First time in I don't know how long. After a long detour to avoid an accident, I finally made it to Sacramento. I arrived at my best friend Alicia's place. We did so much and I even got to see her new house before they moved in...beautiful. I left Alicia and Doug's, went to Brian Boone's graduation from Sac State, hung out with the Boone's and then made my way to Modesto.



Me and Alicia.


With the Boone Brothers



Finally in California-of course, I've now been here for a while...more on that for another post.

can you ever really be sick of weddings?

maybe when you are a month away from being 30 and you don't have a boyfriend...

enough about my personal life.


So, last weekend I was the videographer for my friend Kristin's wedding and tonight I was the photographer for my friend Adam's wedding. I'm quite the wedding hopper these days and yet I am always versitile in my responsibilities with all I do...bridesmaid, scripture reader, program handerouter, present table bouncer, videographer, photographer and more. It really is quite the adventure.

Last weekend I was in Texas. It was such an amazing time. I saw people I haven't seen in SO long and was so blessed by my friends now husband's family and friends. It really is something when a bride and groom center their relationship around the Lord...it was so evident and such an encouragement to me and I know to many others. It was too bad all the groomsmen were married...I'm not even sure if there was a single guy at the wedding....plenty of us single girls.
here's a picture of the Modesto girls with Keith and Kristin:















Tonight was a wedding in Lodi. It was quite different. A good friend got married and it was quite chaotic. It was all planned last minute and mostly by the groom-who knew? I felt a little bad for the groom's family because they put a lot into the wedding, including money and it was obvious that it was not as appreciated as it should have been. My heart is a little sad by that...to see a bride arrive 2 hours late, and make guests wait for her to take over an hour to get ready. It was a little frustrating but it all worked out. My organizational self just had a hard time relating to that kind of attitude, especially to those who had done a lot for you...oh my. It was such a lovely wedding and they had a blast. I hope it was as great as everyone had anticipated and I hope all the pictures are to their liking....oh pleasing people....
what has become of my life...
oh wait...I've always been a people-pleaser.

the gypsy life

Today I leave for yet another place to lay my head.
Since I left Arkansas about a month ago, I have slept in 12 different places.
The gypsy life is not very glamorous. I'm really ready to settle somewhere soon....
another few weeks and about 4-6 more different sleeping locations.

you really learn a lot about a person by the way they live and the food they eat.

more to come.

back in california

So I've decided to finally start an actual blog that is my own and not myspace or facebook or what have you.

I recently moved back to California although living as a sort of gypsy out of my car until I settle somewhere soon. I graduated from John Brown University on May 5 and now it is obvious that my life has started. ha. I'm happy to be back in California but a little part of me will always miss Arkansas and the 2.5 years I spent there.

I just wanted to get this rolling, but I will be back and hopefully often.