you're so vain, i bet you think this blog is about you.

we live in such a vain society. even as christians, we are vain. women and men alike. we are vain. we spend too much time in front of the mirror. we always consult friends or roommates if our outfit looks good. we want the best photos of ourselves. "this is my best side" is the coined joke, but it's so true. we don't want people to see us other than at our best. and i am just as guilty as the next person, unfortunately. i delete pictures or untag myself from others' photo albums for fear of being viewed in an unflattering way. but the funny thing about all of this, is that this perception of ourselves is somewhat skewed and is more than likely different from how others might see us. for example, i have taken photographs of friends in which they look absolutely beautiful to me, but they hate. it's so weird. it's so frustrating. i hate that we see ourselves in such a way that we feel the need to delete it out of our lives. it's sad that who we are needs to look a certain way. that our chin or arm or butt or nose or whatever is too big, too fat, too pointy, too white, is just a little ridiculous sometimes. as a photographer, i experience this a lot. i am partially to blame for this myth, this lie that we should look perfect all the time. i edit photos. not too much, but i still edit them. i clean up skin and make arms look a bit smaller. eyes brighter, teeth whiter. butts smaller, bust bigger (i don't actually do these last two). and the list goes on and on and on. this is what our society does to us. and it's not just women anymore. men are so much more worried about appearance these days. i know so many guys who don't want to or have such a fear to take off their shirts at a pool or the beach. guys who won't let me take their picture at all because they have poor facial skin. guys who wear clothes that are a little too big because they don't want anyone to notice that they are kind of skinny. i won't even get into what women do...

this is something that i think about a lot of the time. it's the photographer in me. i love taking photographs of people and i do like making people look good. especially if i am taking professional photographs. big events and special occasions and head shots are meant to look rather nice. i don't have any qualms about making someone look their best and i try to do it with the most integrity possible!

i am trying to also be that change and be able to laugh at myself and accept ugly pictures. even if i look like i have 5 chins sometimes. i'm learning to have confidence in myself in this way and not let one photograph define who i am. perhaps this is why i love the game "ugly faces" so much. it's a photo game in which while pushing the shutter button, you move every part of your face...eyes, eyebrows, nose, mouth, tongue...and the outcome is pretty hilarious. you look so awful, but that's what is so great about it. it's meant to look awful and you laugh. the challenge here though is to actually play the game and laugh at yourself. it can be really gross sometimes, but just keep going. i've discovered that this game, as silly as it is, has helped me laugh at myself and not care how gross i look. and it's fun.

a big challenge as well is looking at all the pictures i take or others take of me and not care. it's just a photograph. it's not going to define who i really am. yeah, people may judge me or not be my friend or not want to date me based on what i might look like, but still, that does not nor will it ever define me.

this is me and i like to make funny faces. and this photo makes me laugh so much and yet it is so gross.