really?

i'm struggling with this:

i think i'm good at a lot of things but i'm not great or spectacular at just one thing.

i'm the female jack of all trades, especially when it comes to pleasing people. but i want to stand out in one area.

i like being good at things, having experienced a lot of different opportunities, but to me, one doesn't stand out above the rest. it's frustrating.


i keep going on all these interviews in the film/tv industry and everyone has a different opinion. i'm too qualified. i'm under-qualified. my resume looks great. my resume looks like crap. this job will be too easy for you. this job will be too hard for you.....blah, blah, blah and all these comments are for the same type of position. it's confusing. and frustrating. and makes me cry. at least they agree on one thing...this industry is really competitive and hard to get into.

i'm questioning being out here. i want certain things. i have certain dreams. but i'm not sure if the way i'm going will bring me there nor am i sure who to listen to, besides god and right now, he's been a little silent. i want clear direction. i'm almost 31 and i still doubt what i want to do with my life. i love doing so many things, but then back in comes that problem of not one particular thing sticking out. i do want to serve god the best i can, but right now, i'm doing a rather shoddy job at it.
i say i want to write, but i'm not writing. i have these great ideas, but putting them all together is not happening...mostly because i'm unmotivated and trying to survive financially. but those turn into stupid excuses.
i like planning stuff. i like photography. i like teenagers. i like having a consistent schedule. i like directing. i like too much.
i keep praying that god will direct me to just one thing.

and then there's my personal life. can i please get asked out on a date? please? by a guy who loves jesus and who i'm attracted to and who's interested in pursuing me? is that really too much to ask? seriously?

well, blah. that's all i have to say. onto another day.