oh the life

so. much crap.

2009-07-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

it's unreal how much stuff we can accumulate over time...

i've been going through old paperwork, cards, and just stuff...

some of the random crap i found:
-stamps....0.35 ones...
-polaroids from a night of mayhem with friends...
-notes for a job interview i had with a television show in L.A.
-take out menu for this really gross chinese restaurant in Orange County
-a million post-its
-resume from 1999
-student id cards from mjc, biola, jbu and even my california license when i had blonde hair.
-lists of songs i wanted to but off of itunes, but never did.
-a couple of random bills i never paid...oopsie.
-unlabeled cd's...who even knows what they hold-probably pictures.
-postcard someone sent me from ireland...so awesome and funny.
-my 1GB memory card for my camera (been looking for that for so long!)
-receipts galore.

and so much more....
agh. i need to be more organized.

now what to throw away and what to keep...

so highschool

2009-07-13T20:11:00.001-07:00

i felt so "highschool" tonight.

a girl that i never got along with in high school ended up marrying my biggest crush from high school. he didn't go to our school and i have no idea how they met.

in my mind i was like, "seriously, did this really happen?"

yes. and then i went into petty highschool mode and thought as i looked at pictures of her, "hmmmm, she sure has a lot of wrinkles and looks like she's 40." i am so immature. but then again, i look like i'm 22.

lies.

2009-07-06T21:49:00.000-07:00

why do we believe so many lies?

one pic for now.

2009-07-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

this is the north coast of ireland. incredible. brilliant. breathtaking. lovely.

this is also my new desktop picture.

poked

2009-07-02T12:15:00.000-07:00

so i've had this persistent cough for a long long time and went to the doctor yesterday. finally.
got poked in the butt with a painful shot.
got another inhaler-apparently i need to use one again.
got put on antibiotics that make me sick to my stomach. so lovely.
i loathe being sick. but thank you lord for health insurance.

on another note...most amazing strawberry and spinach salad for lunch. yum.

listening to the frames (thank you ian)

as well as mic christopher (again, thank you ian)-this guy mic christopher is amazing. sad story about his death, but incredible musician. brilliant.

still reflecting on ireland and going through thousands of pictures. yes, thousands. i was there for over a month after all.

islack

2009-06-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

i haven't written in soooo very long. it's my busy job and now...2 ireland trips later....i have much to ponder and process and reflect and then write.

soon, hopefully. afterall it is summer and i'm suppose to be off...but work demands are still there.

ireland

2009-03-19T22:54:00.000-07:00

i'm leaving in a few hours for ireland. i'm so excited!

it's kind of surreal to me. i can't believe it's already here. woah.

i'm going on a mission trip with jbu to renovate a nursing home into a residential and teaching facility for jbu teams. i will be gone march 20-27th. plus this will be a pre-trip for me for the student trip i'm leading this summer...so much excitement and such a god calling on my life.

if i weren't so tired, i would write more tonight but i need to get some sleep. will write more soon.

in the meantime, please pray for me and the team of 12 who will be traveling and working hard.

he's just not that into you.

2009-02-09T20:45:00.001-08:00

that's for sure but we're not so into him either.

what a film. i love this genre of film but was very disappointed by this particular movie. i believe it was a waste of my money and a waste of my time.

the only enjoyment i got out of it was laughing at the pathetic character gigi as she obsessed her way through one date after another and bordered the line of stalkerville. at first i thought she was going to annoy me but i grew to love her and her ridiculous ways. i laughed and snorted as she misread every "signal" every guy was sending her way. she was clueless and so sad but i couldn't help but love her and laugh. i also reveled at the thought of how almost every girl could relate to her but probably on a smaller scale and less intensity.

the film followed several story lines but gigi's was pretty much the only one i enjoyed.

i hated the way they endorsed marriage and sex.

marriage was displayed in such a way that i almost left the theater. my desire to see films to their finish caused me to remain. on one hand, i wish i had left. only one married couple was portrayed and it fell apart because of an affair. a single woman meets the married man and they acknowledge a huge attraction toward each other. she is hesitant as he begins to flirt with the idea of sleeping with her. she tells a friend who advises her to go for it because there was this one guy who met the love of his life while he was already married and so he left his wife to marry this woman (who he met at a church event no less). i might have yelled "what?" during that part of the movie and then not meaning to loudly tell a friend who hushed me that i was pissed.
seriously. i was so pissed. is this the message we are buying? i wanted to proclaim loudly to everyone in the theater....this. is. a. LIE! marriage is not something that should just be thrown around so easy but that's what our society has grown accustomed to. i'm not so deft to believe that marriage is easy or perfect but you don't just throw it away because you think something better has come along. i'm so tired of this mentality and way of living (even among christians). it's scary and sometimes i don't ever want to get married. but then i remember, no, i do want to get married and i know that god is in control.

the sex. it's what brings you together and your affirmation that he or she is into you. the film was sort of broken up into chapters with title cards posing a thought followed by an interview...the one that angered me the most: "if she's not sleeping with you..." and the guy interviewed says, then she's not into you. that is a HUGE load of crap. Not every girl is sexually active and even if she is, does that really mean she's into you? I'm more upset about the former. that is not how women portray their attraction, their confirmation of being into a man. not at all, at least not for me. it's such a lie. yet girls believe it and believe they have to sleep with a guy to be affirmed.

this film totally confirmed the lies we are being fed and not from hollywood but from the king of lies. he has us around his little finger and he just smiles and smiles watching as we fall from grace. watching us as we fall into sexual relationships, as we have affairs, as we divorce, as we despise others, as we lie, as we self hate, as we find our worth and identity in everything other than christ, and as we believe...ALL. THESE. LIES.

as someone passionate about film, i pray that god will show up and take hollywood's roots and replant them deep down where they will be truly nourished rather than sucking feverishly at the dismal mirage on the surface. i pray for refreshment and revitalization. a real resuscitation of the heart. it is beyond needed.

my little mini me

2009-02-05T21:23:00.000-08:00

so my mom tells me almost everytime my niece does something silly or crazy how much she is reminded of me at that age. pretty much almost everything she does reminds my mom of me.

well, my little niece is so silly a lot of the time and she loves to tease. it's so funny. she is like a little mini me. my mom doesn't like her teasing which makes me laugh and makes her tease more.

i adore her so much and enjoy all the time i get to spend with her. she is precious and so much fun!

her favorite things to do (esp. with aunt danielle):
*play hide and go seek.
*draw. she loves to draw her family and animals.
*make me draw.
*read books.
*chase me.
*make funny faces.
*dance and sing (she makes me dip her all the time).
*wear my shoes.
*pose for the camera.
*attack me and pretend like she's biting me.
*bake cupcakes.
*lick people. (no joke. she thinks she's a puppy sometimes)
*sing songs from the movie enchanted. (this is our very own special thing we do)
*watch disney movies.
*laugh and giggle and tickle.

my silly niece:

high school bible study

2009-02-03T20:33:00.000-08:00

so i'm back into a bit of youth ministry...leading a bible study on tuesday nights. the church i attend doesn't have a youth group and so after much prayer i decided to start a bible study for high school students. three teenagers came and it was fantastic. i just love them and i'm excited to see how god works in their lives and through this study we are doing of james. i'm looking forward to getting to know them better and being a part of their lives. i pray for god's blessing over this and for his wisdom.
it was a hilarious evening as two of the students are homeschooled and they talk about courting. i asked what the difference was between courting and dating. the non-homeschooled student said, "nothing. that's just the homeschool word for dating." it was so funny. i laughed so hard and they all did as well, thank goodness.
speaking of dating, at jbu's chapel today, the speakers talked about relationships and spoke honestly about some of the issues college students at a christian university deal with...the pressures and the realities. i rather enjoyed their stories and words of wisdom. one guy told a story about a date he went on in highschool to a putt putt place. at the fourth hole, he swung his club high and pretended to hit the ball hard. his date thought he really hit it and jumped out of the way only to trip over the little rope barrier causing her to fall and roll into the pond. no joke! i was laughing so hard. he then took her home but a half mile past her house he ran out of gas, so he went back to ask for her dad's help. at least they laughed about it at his 20 year reunion.
it was an almost pee my pants in chapel day.
the same guy told us this story about his wife (a different woman) and how she likes to pull practical jokes on him. one night she woke him up and asked him to seek out a suspicious noise-an idling car. when he returned she had stuffed the bed with pillows unbeknownst to him and hid on the floor beside his side of the bed. when he went to get into bed she grabbed his legs and pulled him down to the ground and all he could think that is was the man from the idling car. seriously SO funny.
yep, pee your pants kind of day.
it's good to laugh, snort and smile.

ice ice baby, hold the vanilla

2009-01-29T20:38:00.000-08:00

so an ice storm hit north west arkansas.

the good:
2 days off of work
pretty landscape...a photo op just waiting to happen. imagine the icy narnia. pretty magnificent.
the sun shining bright and coming out to finally melt away the icy tundra.

the bad:
no power (still in some places)
slick roads and getting my vehicle stuck in the icy mess on several occasions.
my housemate's car being attacked by half of a tree
falling tree limbs above your head

the ugly:
having to share a bed with my mom (because their electricity was out for days) and getting about an hour sleep because of her unbelievable snoring (which has gotten worse as she has aged) and terrified she's going to stop breathing and die due to her sleep apnea (i don't know how my dad does it).

a picture:

the queen

2009-01-20T22:22:00.000-08:00

"yes. i am the queen...

of unrequited love.

i've had an abundance of crushes and have adored, if not loved many men but pretty much always, well actually always, they don't reciprocate.

why? i don't know. you tell me....

one thing i have decided is that when it is reciprocated, it's going to be incredible like a symphony or a spectacular film or even a magnificent sunrise. it will be special because who would want every man you love to always love you back? who would you choose? so exhausting. it would probably be hard to decide how to weed out the bad ones. and you would lose the significance of that one man when he finally comes.

so that's what i'm trying to focus on in light of learning that the man i pretty much love is in love with another. but i can't help wonder...if he only knew, would that change anything?

i love my life."

-quotes from a work in progress based on real life drama....and i too, love my life.

new year

2009-01-06T22:04:00.000-08:00

so i haven't written here in a long time.

so much has happened this year...moved BACK to arkansas to work for jbu, my alma mater. i love my job (more about that later)

i also decided to change a few things this year. not so much new year resolutions...don't do them but just change while i can and while i am motivated and while i am risky.

first change. i dyed my hair espresso brown and got bangs. i also got some cute new glasses which i wear occasionally but i still prefer my contacts.

so there will be more to come.

oh, this is the start of something good, don't you agree:

favorite babysitting moment

2008-07-18T21:10:00.001-07:00

ok...so i've been babysitting until i start working for jbu. this week i took the kids swimming. on our first day the little girl wanted to bring her barbies. i asked if they were going to swim with us. she looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said in the most serious tone, "no, they will drown"
i had to hold back the laughter and thought, oh, well that makes sense.

transitioning

2008-07-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

i'm in a perpetual transition right now.
i've moved back to arkansas and have been here a little over a month and have not written anything. [bad]
i'm living with my parents. [ok]
i'm moving into my new duplex on friday. [good]
i don't have much furniture. [not so good]
i'm looking for a good church. [hard]
i start work at jbu on august 1. [good]

and then everything gets crazy.

so until, i have some fun upcoming events...
my birthday...july 25...no fear as i'm now officially in my early thirties. blast you 31...why did you have to come so soon? and i'm sure it will be ok and i hope to do something fun since it lands on a friday this year!
nate and sharise's wedding
jenn and josh's wedding
and lots of swimming.

another thing on my mind lately is my top 5 prioroty list that i've been neglecting.
1. spend time with the lord daily
2. eat healthier
3. exercise
4. write scripts and stories
5. photography
i'm such a bum and need so badly to get to doing these things that are important and what i love.

you're so vain, i bet you think this blog is about you.

2008-05-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

we live in such a vain society. even as christians, we are vain. women and men alike. we are vain. we spend too much time in front of the mirror. we always consult friends or roommates if our outfit looks good. we want the best photos of ourselves. "this is my best side" is the coined joke, but it's so true. we don't want people to see us other than at our best. and i am just as guilty as the next person, unfortunately. i delete pictures or untag myself from others' photo albums for fear of being viewed in an unflattering way. but the funny thing about all of this, is that this perception of ourselves is somewhat skewed and is more than likely different from how others might see us. for example, i have taken photographs of friends in which they look absolutely beautiful to me, but they hate. it's so weird. it's so frustrating. i hate that we see ourselves in such a way that we feel the need to delete it out of our lives. it's sad that who we are needs to look a certain way. that our chin or arm or butt or nose or whatever is too big, too fat, too pointy, too white, is just a little ridiculous sometimes. as a photographer, i experience this a lot. i am partially to blame for this myth, this lie that we should look perfect all the time. i edit photos. not too much, but i still edit them. i clean up skin and make arms look a bit smaller. eyes brighter, teeth whiter. butts smaller, bust bigger (i don't actually do these last two). and the list goes on and on and on. this is what our society does to us. and it's not just women anymore. men are so much more worried about appearance these days. i know so many guys who don't want to or have such a fear to take off their shirts at a pool or the beach. guys who won't let me take their picture at all because they have poor facial skin. guys who wear clothes that are a little too big because they don't want anyone to notice that they are kind of skinny. i won't even get into what women do...

this is something that i think about a lot of the time. it's the photographer in me. i love taking photographs of people and i do like making people look good. especially if i am taking professional photographs. big events and special occasions and head shots are meant to look rather nice. i don't have any qualms about making someone look their best and i try to do it with the most integrity possible!

i am trying to also be that change and be able to laugh at myself and accept ugly pictures. even if i look like i have 5 chins sometimes. i'm learning to have confidence in myself in this way and not let one photograph define who i am. perhaps this is why i love the game "ugly faces" so much. it's a photo game in which while pushing the shutter button, you move every part of your face...eyes, eyebrows, nose, mouth, tongue...and the outcome is pretty hilarious. you look so awful, but that's what is so great about it. it's meant to look awful and you laugh. the challenge here though is to actually play the game and laugh at yourself. it can be really gross sometimes, but just keep going. i've discovered that this game, as silly as it is, has helped me laugh at myself and not care how gross i look. and it's fun.

a big challenge as well is looking at all the pictures i take or others take of me and not care. it's just a photograph. it's not going to define who i really am. yeah, people may judge me or not be my friend or not want to date me based on what i might look like, but still, that does not nor will it ever define me.

this is me and i like to make funny faces. and this photo makes me laugh so much and yet it is so gross.

i don't want to pack

2008-05-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

packing really sucks. it takes a long time and it makes me realize how much crap i own. this is a little ridiculous. i'm afraid to throw too much away or get rid of it because a year ago when i prepared for california i purged so much of my stuff. i regretted some of that purge. really. bummer.
anyway, i did do some good purging and also shredded some old documents. that felt good. it was like claiming an end to stupid decisions in my life and unnecessary papers.
so packing. i'm very close to being done and want to finish before this week really starts so i can enjoy this last week and a half...since i have some super fun plans ahead of me and some freelance work i am doing...
a couple photoshoots. creating a brochure. going to the beach. going to an angels game. bonfire at huntington. disneyland (for free-the best way to go). friends. church. so much to do. hopefully the getty and griffith observatory. what a week ahead...

and i still need to finish packing.

even more changes

2008-05-19T23:21:00.000-07:00

so, i'm actually moving sooner than i thought because i won't be going on my mission trip. i don't have very much financial support and i've missed so many meetings, so the leaders suggested i opt out now therefore leaving me only responsible for the cost of my plane ticket. it's kind of a (major) bummer, but the financial toll would be worse and now i don't have to get a job for the month i'd have to be here. so, i am now leaving at the beginning of june. it's very bittersweet, but i know it's the best option for me. so, any prayer would be great...for getting ready to leave and paying rent and money for getting to Arkansas. it's all quite insane but i really believe the Lord is going to provide. i just need a bit more patience and trust. thanks.

psalm 16

2008-05-15T00:20:00.000-07:00

Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

incredible.

an "ah ha" moment

2008-05-15T00:03:00.000-07:00

as i was getting ready for bed, this thought crossed my mind:
oh my gosh, i am working for a university! an accredited, the real deal, distinguished university. this is kind of a big deal. no, wait, it's a huge deal.

yeah, it's jbu and i graduated from there, but seriously. i mean, seriously! my excitement pretty much quadrupled. and that's probably an understatement.

how many people get this opportunity? when i really examine this, not a whole lot. i was so excited about going back at jbu and be near family and a community that is like home, that i neglected to realize what a huge stinking deal this really is. i am so grateful to god for this opportunity and that they picked me. they picked me!!!! god chose me for this adventure. and for that, i am ecstatic!

i am beyond blessed and i need to go brush my teeth.

woah. life.

2008-05-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

something exciting has happened and changed my life rather drastically. just when you are going one way, God turns you toward new opportunities! of course! as many people may know, i have been job hunting and praying for clarity about direction in my career. i’ve been out in california for about a year trying to get into the film industry but every door that seems cracked open ends up shutting rather fast (and sometimes hard) in my face. just when i practically reached bleakness (after hearing a rejection about a position i was fully confident about), an opportunity to work on an independent film produced by jbu alumni opened up. i jumped on this chance and about 2 days later i was on my way to new mexico for the pick up shoot. i had an incredible experience! once there, the producers decided we would fly home and i asked if they would instead fly me to arkansas so I could visit family and friends. they did and this is where the crazy change of life occurred.

God answered my prayer for career clarity when i was in arkansas. while visiting people i worked with at jbu, i was asked and encouraged to submit my resume for my boss's old job since he has been recently accepted into another position. the position i applied for is director of student activities, director of new student orientation and advisor to sga (student government association). it was such a honor to be asked to apply and i was very excited, but i wanted to make the right decision. i spent a lot of time in prayer and consulted close friends and family. i decided to submit my resume and was interviewed by several people including the president of jbu before i left last tuesday morning. it was all very overwhelming but i felt at peace and knew that God was leading my steps. i was also very encouraged by friends and family. so, thursday, i received a call from jbu asking me to take the position and on friday, i officially accepted the position.

through this decision making process i was forced to examine my love for media and have concluded that my passion will always exist. my favorite aspect of media is writing and i believe i can do that practically anywhere. i’ve learned that i needed to come out to california, so that i wouldn’t have those “what if” questions lingering in my head. and i know that i could come back especially if the lord leads. i still have connections here and opportunities to write that are already springing up. i have about 3 script ideas i am working on and was asked to co-write a screenplay with one of the producers I worked with in new mexico. great things on that horizon!

so, i will be moving back to arkansas. it's all very exciting and seems a little crazy but I feel very content and at peace about my decision. i love jbu and i'm excited to be near my family again. i will be moving at the beginning of july, most likely immediately after a mission trip that i am taking with my church to the dominican republic. your prayers would be greatly appreciated as i tie things up here in california, figure out financial stresses including support for my mission trip and that I will find work for about a month!

thank you again for all your support and prayers through this time!
i'm looking forward to this next adventure! it shall be very exciting!

back from filming

2008-05-10T11:11:00.000-07:00

i just returned this week from a whirlwind of a trip.
the first part of my trip was to new mexico to work on an independent film. the experience was rather incredible. it's almost too difficult where to begin and what to say about that experience. i worked insane hours, got inadequate sleep, acquired one of my worst sunburns and still had a smile on my face. it has sparked motivation to write which is the most important outcome. therefore i have decided to work hard on three of my favorite ideas. one at a time of course. i was also asked by one of the producers of the film to co-write his next screenplay. i'm rather thrilled and honored that i was asked. i'm blessed and encouraged by their opinion of me. i was told that i am better than all four of the production assistants put together from their first shoot. so, basically, i impressed them. and not to be proud or arrogant, but that's how i operate. i'm a hard worker and i put my all into what i'm doing, especially if it's something i'm passionate about. ask my friends and bosses at jbu. seriously.
the second part of my trip was to arkansas. i won't go into details just yet, but that leg of my journey proved to be almost life-altering.

the film

2008-04-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

so the film i'm working on is rather fantastic. it's always wonderful to be a part of something that is great.
i'm sitting here in new mexico (trying to sleep since we had an early night) reveling in the fact that i am actually working on a movie. it may be independent, but the story is compelling and interesting and a total chick flick which of course, i love! we are doing the pick up shoot this week and it has been the most tiresome experience in my life (i think), but so worth every moment. this is what i am passionate about. good storytelling and being a part of something that has huge potential. the lead actors in this film better make it big. they are rather talented. hollywood is so fickle though. actors get chewed up and spit out so easily. it's too bad because i know some pretty incredible actors who should be getting the big deals! seriously.
anyway, off my soapbox and back to the film... it's about this small little county with this radio talk show host, lauren, who gives horrible dating advice, telling her callers to compare their prospects to cars. along comes jack, this hot shot (and totally adorable) california radio guy who happens to get lost in this town where he ends up challenging lauren and this county to bring magic back into love and relationships. it's a very charming and hopeful film and i am so thankful to be a part of it, even late into the production. it's been an amazing experience. i've made some pretty great contacts and have become even better friends with the guys producing the film, also, my bosses. haha. i enjoy working with people who are passionate about what they do! it encourages me and challenges me to keep going after all these dreams i have to be a writer.
again, back to the film...you should go check out the website: coyotecountyloser.com. it needs to be updated....but go look now as it will give you a really good idea about the film!

well, i'm off to bed to rest since i have another crazy day tomorrow of shooting. I believe I get to operate the camera tomorrow. how amazing is that? my job is the ultimate hodge podge of things. i've done practically every job on this shoot. it's completely insane.
and i got sunburned. fantastic. but i'm still smiling and snorting of course.

nope, not yet.

2008-04-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

so i didn't get the job with cold case, but literally like 2 or 3 hours after, i was asked to be a production assistant on a re-shoot for an independent film in new mexico. so, on thursday i leave for 2 weeks. kinda crazy but i am getting paid and they are covering all my expenses to get there and while i'm there-food and housing. the film is being produced by some guys who are alumni from my college (before me) and also go to my current church. such great connections. i am so excited!
so hopefully when i get back something else pans out and i get a job.
keep on hoping!

best interview yet

2008-04-10T22:56:00.001-07:00

today i had probably my best interview for an industry job. i was early, had my heels on and the interview was more like a conversation between friends.

i interviewed for a writer's production assistant with the show cold case. i really want this job. not only is it the first step on the writer's ladder, but it's for an outstanding show with serious longevity and a really cool group of people from what i could assess. did i mention i really want this job?

right now God has been teaching me a lot about patience and humility (especially being jobless for about a month) so this opportunity has come at a pretty intense time. i don't want to get my hopes up, because this industry is tough and even at times, fickle. so i need patience, confidence, obedience and clarity for where God wants me to be vocationally. i read this quote today in my devotional: "great endings often start with humble beginnings." i hope this interview will be that great ending to my job search.

so i find out on monday or tuesday if i am hired and then i would start on wednesday! how crazy is that? so, i need some prayer...

thanks.

and now i can't sleep. go figure.

really?

2008-04-07T21:06:00.000-07:00

i'm struggling with this:

i think i'm good at a lot of things but i'm not great or spectacular at just one thing.

i'm the female jack of all trades, especially when it comes to pleasing people. but i want to stand out in one area.

i like being good at things, having experienced a lot of different opportunities, but to me, one doesn't stand out above the rest. it's frustrating.

i keep going on all these interviews in the film/tv industry and everyone has a different opinion. i'm too qualified. i'm under-qualified. my resume looks great. my resume looks like crap. this job will be too easy for you. this job will be too hard for you.....blah, blah, blah and all these comments are for the same type of position. it's confusing. and frustrating. and makes me cry. at least they agree on one thing...this industry is really competitive and hard to get into.

i'm questioning being out here. i want certain things. i have certain dreams. but i'm not sure if the way i'm going will bring me there nor am i sure who to listen to, besides god and right now, he's been a little silent. i want clear direction. i'm almost 31 and i still doubt what i want to do with my life. i love doing so many things, but then back in comes that problem of not one particular thing sticking out. i do want to serve god the best i can, but right now, i'm doing a rather shoddy job at it.
i say i want to write, but i'm not writing. i have these great ideas, but putting them all together is not happening...mostly because i'm unmotivated and trying to survive financially. but those turn into stupid excuses.
i like planning stuff. i like photography. i like teenagers. i like having a consistent schedule. i like directing. i like too much.
i keep praying that god will direct me to just one thing.

and then there's my personal life. can i please get asked out on a date? please? by a guy who loves jesus and who i'm attracted to and who's interested in pursuing me? is that really too much to ask? seriously?

well, blah. that's all i have to say. onto another day.

the dominican republic

2008-03-16T20:25:00.001-07:00

i got accepted to go on a mission trip to the dominican republic with my church and i am thrilled. today was our first team meeting which made me even more excited.
i have a special place in my heart for the dr. i’ve never been before but i took a latin american class my last semester in college which caused the initial interest in the dr. i read this book called "in the time of the butterflies" about these sisters who stood up to the political regime of their time and died for their cause-to see their people released from a horrible dictatorship and helped lead the country into a democratic system. That book sparked an interest in me for several reasons, so my continued interested of the dr increased. i had a desire to go but never knew it would come as a mission trip with my church.
over a month ago i was driving to church and thinking about wanting to go on a summer mission trip but nothing specific came to mind besides uganda because i know my church sponsors trips to uganda, but i wasn’t sure when and what trips would be offered. so i just prayed about it. when i got to church that morning there were brochures on our seats for the summer global trips. my heart leapt. i opened up the brochure and the first trip on the list was to the dominican republic. my heart literally did a back flip somersault sort of thing. that’s when i started to pray if that was something god wanted me to do. i told my friend sarah sitting next to me and she said i definitely needed to go to the information booth after the service. so i did. after talking with one of the trip leaders, i got even more excited. the trip itself was so much but then i was informed it was a high school sponsored trip. i almost let out a joyous holler. i love high school students. that’s almost an understatement. i used to work in full time youth ministry and continue to volunteer on a part time basis, so working alongside teenagers was right up my alley. so my friend was like, yeah, you need to apply. over the next few weeks, i continued to pray as i filled out my application. i was then called in for an interview which ended up happening the day after i lost my job. it was rather intense but i just kept praying about it. a week later i was accepted to go on the trip and then today was our first meeting. expressing my excitement is perhaps almost redundant. my excitement exudes from the depths of my soul.
a little about our trip... we will be working alongside a church in santo domingo, the capital doing some construction, working with cancer and aids kids at a hospital, street evangelism and working with students at the university. it is going to be an incredible trip. i am hoping to see god move in some mighty ways, not only in the people we are serving but in the people i'm serving alongside and especially the students who are going on this trip.
i could really use some prayer for this trip as we prepare to go and as i ask for support to cover the cost of the trip. i also need prayer for my finances since losing my job had a great toll on that and also when i do find a full time job-that they will let me take the time off. the trip is june 21-30. thanks for your prayers.
again, can i just say, i’m excited. stoked. pumped. thrilled. beyond words.

missing my family

2007-12-28T23:40:00.000-08:00

i miss my family so much more than i thought i would. all of us living in arkansas made us closer than we ever had been. then i go and leave. i appreciate them more and more everyday. i've missed them dearly during this christmas and wish i could have seen them at least one day.

but it is okay because i live with incredible girls and god is blessing me.

i do miss watching my niece grow up as well. she is such a blessing to our family. we love her SO much.
here is a picture of her this christmas. i love this picture! how could you not love this little face?

what a wonderful christmas

2007-12-28T23:27:00.000-08:00

christmas was rather splendid besides having to work most of the day.
my roomies got up early so we could have banana pancakes and open presents.

then off to work some of us went.... having never worked christmas before, i was in for an interesting day that made my heart sad...so many unhappy people irritated with their families coming to rent movies so they don't have to talk to eachother... and to be rude to someone who is working on christmas is just plain ridiculous. i was treated so poorly by several customers. this whole season has put customer service and the value of retail workers into perspective for me. good lessons. and i can't wait to be out of retail. i loathe it.

anyway, back to christmas... it was good to have people to spend it with, girls who have become family to me. i am blessed.
we ate dinner around midnight once everyone was home and the turkey finished baking. we got dressed up and sat together formally at our wonderfully decorated table. we shared laughs and wonderful thoughts, toasted in the life of christ and how god has brought the four of us together. the food was delectable and we had an amazing time.
here are a few pictures:

christmas is here

2007-12-24T13:30:00.000-08:00

christmas is here and i'm so excited. but sad i can't be with my family and that i have to work today and tomorrow.
but, this season is such a great time to reflect on god's love for all of us.
worship yesterday was so amazing! i love my church! it's so focused and i love how artsy it is!
i also saw a jbu alum who was a youth pastor in siloam and is now the junior high pastor at rock harbor. small world. the world got smaller as i went and said hello even though i don't know the guy too well and there were 2 other jbu alum couples there. it was so great. i was so happy to see familiar faces (even though i didn't know them too well) and it made me get tears in my eyes because i miss my friends and family in arkansas so much. so i went out to lunch with the couples...haha...all marrieds...but god answered about 3 prayers yesterday morning with those people. it was incredible. i'm hanging out with them tonight and i am so excited. i'm also going to probably start helping with the youth at rock harbor...something i was already thinking of and now i know there is a need. i'm excited!
christmas day will be interesting. my roomies and i are getting up for pancakes and presents...then off to work. we are making a great dinner after we all get home and i'm excited since we didn't do anything for thanksgiving.

so thank you jesus for the little things and coming to save us from our sin.

word of the day: excited. :)

o christmas tree

2007-12-15T00:17:00.000-08:00

it's christmas!

new roomies!

our beautiful tree!

fear

2007-11-26T00:22:00.000-08:00

fear consumes me tonight...or rather this morning.
so much going on in life but it has been overshadowed by an unknown illness.
i have been fighting a cold for over a month. on and off again.
now it is something worse.
i was up all night with a fever and chills due to an unsightly vision taking over my throat.
my left tonsil is engorged, swollen, inflamed, what have you.
behind the tonsil on the back of my throat are sores that look like bubbles of flesh. this is causing the most excruciating pain.
i've taken a number of medicines and herbal supplements not to mention a constant self prescribed dose of ibuprofen and hydrocodone. i feel like a pill popper. ridiculous.
but the pain persists. it is less intense but it remains as i try to talk and swallow and breathe.
tomorrow i am going to to the doctor and pray that i can afford it since i don't have health insurance. i hate our medical system.
i did some reading and have discovered that my symptoms (some not even mentioned) are due to either tonsillitis or oral cancer on top of probably strep throat.
i'm so incredibly scared. whichever my diagnosis...there still lies a lot of pain, most likely surgery, long recovery and lots of bills.
i'm already having a hard time making rent. now i might have to take more time off?
i'm so tired and weak and i'm tired of all the drama in my life...more on that another time.

please pray for me...for the sickness, pain and the financial strain.

more than a month

2007-11-16T23:06:00.000-08:00

it's been awhile little blog. sorry.
so much has happened.
much to tell...
tomorrow

love letter

2007-10-10T23:17:00.000-07:00

To the one I love,
I love you more than you can fathom. Every bit of you I adore. The way you laugh. The way you cry. Every step you take. Every breath. Every smile. Even your tears, I love. They are for me to wipe away. And I will cradle you in my arms. I love the silly things you do. I love that you aren't afraid to be you. I love to watch you when you sleep. Sometimes I want you all to myself. I get jealous of those who have your attention instead of me. I want you to want me. I want you to need me. I want you to pick me over all else. I hope you will pick me over all else. I want you to look at me the way I look at you. I want you to see your beauty reflected through me. I want to be on your mind always. I want to be the first you talk to when you wake up. I want to be the last you talk to before you go to sleep. I love hearing your voice. When you talk to me I know that you love me, and you trust me. When you think of me, I want you to light up, always. I love the tenderness in your heart. I want you to always put others first. I want you to be near me always. And I will be with you, always.
Love, Jesus

disney

2007-10-01T07:55:00.000-07:00

today i am meeting with an executive producer for disney.
how cool is that?

bite that tongue

2007-09-27T23:22:00.000-07:00

i'm learning a valuable lesson. to just let people have their opinions and not try to always give them mine. even if i know i am right. it's not worth it. not really.
only if i think it's harmful to them...like friends who smoke excessively. my grandpa died from emphysema caused by smoking, so i think my opinion is pretty valid.

friday

2007-09-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

a few things about my friday

i saw a dog recycling....carrying a plastic bottle in his mouth while being walked by a teenage girl....only in California do our pets recycle as well. i really wish i would have had my camera and wasn't driving in my car. it was a hilarious sight.

i got a car wash finally since my car was so gross and it was really nice out despite this rumor of a huge rain storm. yeah, the storm came. i'm such a dork. oh, and i dropped my phone in a puddle. i have the worst experiences with cell phones. seriously.
and southern californians cannot drive in the rain. not at all. ridiculous people. and only in california do people run their sprinklers when it rains....we are suppose to be eco-friendly people...come on!
i really miss lightning when it rains. we don't have that here either. i guess i'll take the day of lightning free rain and several days of sunshine over the rainy gloomy weeks of what arkansas is sometimes.

i went to my friend sarah's birthday party. welcome to the 30 club sarah! i met a lot of interesting and cool people, plus got to reminise with sarah about highschool and biola days. so much fun.

i'm pretty much moved into my own room...more about that later!

i chose my family over the emmy's

2007-09-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

so i could have gone to the emmy's today and the governor's ball with my roomie, but i chose to hang out with my family instead. little did i know what i was missing out on...but i did have a great and needed time with my family! plus i got to hang out in the presidential suite of the hilton in huntington beach. no big deal.

disappointment

2007-09-13T14:28:00.000-07:00

i didn't get the job at john wells. i'm like really sad and a little depressed.
i know i will be ok, but it still sucks. i'm usually the person who gets the job. there has to be something better out there for me. i'm tired of looking, plus i don't know what's going on with the roomate situation. i'm so scared right now.
plus i have like $5 in the bank. goodness.
sorry for sounding so down, but it's where i'm at right now. i know it's not forever and i know that there is always something better, but these are the days when i start doubting if i made the right choice to move out here.
please just pray for me.

anticipation

2007-09-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

this week is full of questions and wonderings. is wondering even a word?
anyway...
this week i find out whether i will be getting the job i so badly want.
this week i have to make some housing decisions. to stay or leave. is staying even an option? i'm not sure anymore.
if i get the job, do i look for housing closer to the city?
if i get housing closer to the city, do i leave this church i love or commute a ridiculous amount?
if i stay at this church, do i join a lifegroup or a discipleship group?
what to do? what to do?
i first have to find out about the job.
patience is not a gift of mine. nor is mercy. i need to work on those.

community.

2007-09-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

i really need community in my life right now. i miss so many people that i love so very much, who mean the world to me. i didn't think it would be this hard but i've been here for a few months and i still don't have the community i need and want. i need people. i'm such a people person and such an extrovert so this is killing me. i need consistent community in my life. i know a lot of people around here, but they are all scattered. i'm still trying to meet people at church but i think i really need to be in a small group or something and be more pro-active. i also need to pray for the community in my house. not so good right now. it's hard but i think it will get better soon. i hope. i think this sunday i plan to go and talk to people after the worship service. there are a few people i have met but i need to pursue some friendships.

thursday.

2007-09-06T23:34:00.000-07:00

first, went on my second interview. was about 2 minutes late. i swear my nerves are going to get the best of me. if you know me at all you know that i am ridiculously punctual. i hate being late and usually i am the 15 minutes early girl. but i was late, again.
god is seriously kicking my butt right now because i so want to control everything and well, he definitely reminded me that today, he was in control. i'm learning these stupid hard lessons that suck big time but are still worth it.
the interview went well. i was interviewed by 4 people. it was a tad crazy but i enjoyed meeting each person and i hope to one day work with them. i really want this job. somehow in my stupid mind i feel like i'm trying to earn it from god...that if i'm good enough he will give it to me because i'm a good christian girl. the reality: i don't deserve this job. i don't deserve a lot of things and yet he still provides. his ultimate provision being the grace i've received and the freedom and love, justice and faith. i don't deserve it, but he gave. he gave it all.
if i get this job it's because god is giving it to me. yeah, i'd be so great at it because i'm practically made for it, but the truth is i've done nothing short of almost ruining all my chances. twice late....seriously? i'm stupid and i don't deserve it.
but i sure do want it. i guess i'm just gonna have to wait for that door to open or shut.

today i watched too many episodes of grey's anatomy. i needed to just escape for a bit. all the time i spent working on papers and projects and studies kept me from watching tv, so now i'm sort of catching up. i like the show and yet i don't like the show. i mostly really like it. there are just parts/story lines that really piss me off and unlike most girls, i'm not a big fan of the main character. she kind of bugs me. maybe not all the time, but she can be so freakin depressing. oh my goodness...as if i were talking about a real person. although i do want my mcdreamy. enough said.

today i'm tired of drama. i'm sick of people who are not above reproach and who do not share many of my same values. not that i want to force people to think and act the way i do, but it seems like there is an unspoken set of values that should exist but apparently not everyone sees things that way. it's so frustrating, especially when i get advice or counsel and realize that i am not the only one who thinks it's weird. (sorry this is totally vague, but i just needed to vent a little)

personal goal today: drink more water!

i have a crush.

2007-09-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

ok before i can go to sleep, i must confess.
i have a crush. i've not had one in a really long time.
forget eharmony.

have you ever met someone that you just can't get out of you mind. this is what it's like. i want to scream from the inside out proclaiming, "notice me, pursue me, pick me, love me." maybe not all at once but is it so bad to be wanted? to be desired? for someone to look into your eyes and you know they just love you for who you are. i want that. i want to be loved. i already know i am loved by the Lord but now i am ready to be loved by a man and to love him back. i don't expect this to happen overnight but these feelings inside are a little overwhelming. is it because i am 30 and haven't dated in who knows how long? is it because i am looking forward? scared?

i met a woman the other day who is attractive and seems nice, but she's 38 and single. what the heck is going on? i don't understand men sometimes. they want to be this warrior, this pursuer but why is it that most single women i know aren't being pursued? come on, i need some enlightenment... i know it's scary but seriously? seriously? ok, this was not meant to become a bitter rant about being 30 and single. my apologies.

back to the crush. this guy. he's amazing. from what i have observed and encountered already. his heart is huge and bursting forth with tensions and struggles and hopes and dreams about life and love and god. i'm so inspired. it seems weird to "know" this much about someone i hardly know. i so desperately want to know him more, besides the words he writes and his eyes. i honestly could get lost in his eyes. (i sound ridiculous). his smile beams so brightly. he's funny and handsome and tall. i see how loved he is by others and how he loves them. (i really sound ridiculous) maybe i'm just a little too observant. i remember such random details and things that no one else does. like for the brief moment i looked up and saw how desperate he cried out to god during worship. or how i noticed that he noticed me but pretended not to notice when walking by. maybe we'll be good friends. maybe more. for now, i just want to get to know him. but i'm too bold sometimes and maybe too intentional and too pushy. i don't want to be that girl. i want to be pursued but i also refuse to play games and i want to be myself. so many times i try to fit the mold i think the guy will like. quiet, mysterious, what have you....but i am neither quiet nor mysterious. i'm me. i like to talk, laugh and i'm not afraid to be bold and to show my feelings...sometimes i might show them too much. i snort when i laugh. i cry over the most stupid of things. i love hugs and long conversations. anyway, i hope he will see the me that my closest friends see and i hope this crush doesn't actually crush me.

for those of you who want to say it, i've already reminded myself to guard my heart. don't worry so much. i'm just writing my thoughts and sharing them. i just haven't felt this way before. it's different and i don't know how to explain it. maybe i've just learned to identify the good guys better. they are out there. i just want one to pursue me. and i wouldn't object to this man.

interview no. 2

2007-09-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

so i got called back for a second interview, even after wearing flip flops. how amazing is that?
i'm a nervous wreck. at least i wont forget my heels. :)
my interview is tomorrow morning. so i am going to bed now.

i love my church

2007-09-02T16:20:00.001-07:00

i love the church i'm going to here in orange county.
love it. the pastors. the people. the worship. the community. it's exactly what i need right now in my life.

just finished a series on the lord's prayer today. incredible.
oh to purge myself of the sin, guilt, shame and the disgust of my life. how could i not for god? how could i not want to be a disciple of christ? and how could i want anything but to follow him and love him even when i am tired and broke, discouraged, weary and broken? how could i?

sometimes i yearn more for what i think is a tangible security when all i need is to be held by my heavenly father.

my faith ought to be more than just cheap grace. it needs to be costly. i need to know that christ is all that matters. like dietrich bonhoeffer says from the cost of discipleship, "no other significance is possible, since Jesus is the only significance. Beside Jesus, nothing has any significance. He alone matters."

that's life.

2007-09-01T00:57:00.001-07:00

it sure is gonna be hard.

but it will be well worth it.

worth waiting.
worth working hard.
worth hoping.
worth praying.
worth giving.
worth serving.
worth loving.
worth living.

and that's life.

are you ready?

flip flop interview

2007-08-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

so monday i had the interview of a lifetime with john wells productions (ER, West Wing, Far From Heaven, White Oleander) and i wore flip flops.
please note that this was in no way on purpose.
i left my house with plenty of time to get to burbank and while i was looking for a starbucks to pass the time (i was 40 min early) and talking to my mom, i realized that i forgot my heels. not wanting to drive in heels, i had left my house wearing flip flops. well, i forgot the heels.
panic set in. how could i go to an interview in flip flops? i started to cry and hung up on my mom. i frantically began to drive around searching for any shoe store. anything! i found one but no dress shoes...yet a mall was apparently 1 mile up the road.
the mall didn't exist. by the time i realized i was lost i had to turn around before it was too late.
well, i was late. five minutes. i sat and waited in the fancy and quite professional lobby, five minutes late wearing flip flops.
i suck sometimes. my parents say i am way too hard on myself.
but seriously...flip flops? i might as well have been wearing slippers.

the interview went ok besides my heart pounding, my hands shaking, my stomach turning. she knew i was nervous as i talked and told me there was nothing to be nervous about. yeah right i thought. yeah right. i'm trying to impress you, sell myself to you and be professional but i'm wearing flippin' flip flops. the only time in my ENTIRE life that i've hated flip flops.
if i get this job then the power of god will never ever be a doubt in my mind because i would not hire someone who is five minutes late wearing flip flops. the extent of grace is sometimes beyond my understanding. really what i mean to say is that if i get this job then it is only because of god and his grace and power. i thought i had it all together but he is so much more in control. and if i don't get this job, then i know i'm an idiot. not really. i know that there is something else.
the bottom line is that i know that my faith does not rely on whether i get this job. and that's what matters more.
we learn from our experiences.
i won't ever wear flip flops again to an interview. that's for sure.

this stuff only happens to me. oh and lauren pemberton.

my parents are right. i am too hard on myself. i hate it when they are right.

i find out about the job by the end of next week...so in like a week.

it's all mundane.

2007-08-18T01:22:00.000-07:00

so i'm out here in california, where i wanted to be with all my heart.
and where i know god wants me to be.

but i am bored.
first off...i realized since i graduated in may that i am addicted to being busy. that's a problem when your life is full of things and then is not so full. yeah, it was cool for awhile but now it is hard. i do have things to get done, like edit some more photos and work on finishing a wedding video, but other than that, life is a little dull.
i got a job working at hollywood video. it's not what i want to be doing. not at all. yeah, i was hired as a supervisor and i get free movie rentals but how long must i work there until i get a break in the real hollywood? i send out resumes almost everyday. nothing yet.
i also have no money. and this is literally not a joke. i'll be lucky if i have money to pay my september rent. how stressful is that? i know it wil be ok, i just wanted to complain about it for a second. i'm also taking donations.

just having a hard time finding joy in the mundane and day to day things which i know i should.

i've been crying a lot lately and i'm not sure if it's pms or just stress or a combo. i seriously cried a lot today. i cried about my job and finances and that i don't have much community here plus i miss jbu so much (they started freshman orientation today which i always was at because of being a director of student activities) nor do i have a boyfriend. i really should not have watched say anything today. i love that movie but then it makes me want to be in love and can someone tell me where all the lloyd doblers' are today? someone, please. can i please just meet a great guy who thinks i'm fantastic, who loves jesus, but is not perfect and will challenge me? is that too much to ask? if only john cusack was a christian, oh and someone who i actually have the chance of meeting...

i also watched a movie that is coming out tuesday on dvd called Broken English. If you are a 30 something single woman, you should watch this film. A summary of the film... "Nora Wilder is freaking out. Everyone around her is in a relationship, is married, or has children. Nora is in her thirties, alone with a job she's outgrown and a mother who constantly reminds her of it all. Not to mention her best friend Audrey's "perfect marriage"'
story of my life. and i’m not even kidding.
(then she meets this french guy who changes it all-left that out since i have yet to meet any french men...but i have been watching plenty french films.)

eharmony madness

2007-08-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

so i sort of joined eharmony.
i just want to go on some dates. i miss dating.
i haven't committed. financially that is. it costs to communicate.

but that's not the story i want to share.

so few days after joining, i got matched with "bob" (we'll call him bob to protect his privacy)
anyway, so i already know bob. we are friends. and so now i giggle at this incident.
there are a few reasons for my laughter.
1. bob is just my friend and i would have never thought we'd be "matched"
2. bob doesn't seem like the eharmony type of guy-go figure...those who seem to be on the path to singleness are just dying inside to find love...
3. bob "fast tracked" me which means we skip all the slow communication and just start talking freely through emails. haha. (but i can't read his personalized message to me until i pay the monthly fee of 59.95 or something like that. (that's a lot of money for a couple of dates)
4. bob knows it's me and this makes me laugh harder. it actually makes me snort.

i think that's all for now. but if you know bob and you know me, you would laugh as well.
bob, i love you and i hope you are laughing.
you're a good friend, bob. yes bob, you are.
thanks for letting me write about you (although you probably won't even read this, so no big deal).

maybe i won't have to actually join eharmony to get a date after all....

writing

2007-08-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

I'm not very good at this whole blogging thing. I always think of stuff I want to go write but then I get distracted and forget to do it. Then I want to try and go back and write from there, but then I realize I will never catch up. Too much happens in life.
This is meant to be a creative outlet to let others know what is going on in my life and well, sometimes my life is not all that interesting...and the stuff that is...I either can't or don't want to write about it for some reason or another.
so there.

2007-07-24T23:17:00.000-07:00

my birthday is tomorrow.
i will be 30.
let's review these last 30 years...

3 Cheers for Frontier Ranch

2007-07-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I waited for a couple of important phone calls, I watched my old staff videos from Frontier Ranch.
I worked there for 3 summers and did many promotional videos for the camp and it's larger conference center-Mission Springs. This place is located in the Santa Cruz mountains, in Scotts Valley.
The summers of 1999 & 2000 were spent as the audio/visual tech and then in 2001 I was a counselor. These were by far some of the best if not THE best summers of my life. The things I learned and the people that changed my life are forever remembered and ultimately captured in these videos. Moments filled with laughter and tears, struggles and accomplishments.
If you ever get to work at a camp---DO IT!
As I reflect on my summers I remember SO MUCH. I have so many fond memories and of course a few not so fun memories. But even the not so fun turned into life lessons and I have no regrets. None.
I wish I could sum up Frontier Ranch for you, but it would be so hard because each summer had it's unique qualities...
a few common denominators...
primetime...high ropes...campfire...dirty feet...camper skits...minibikes...counselor meetings...the canvas cabins...the Wagon Wheel...the bell...cabin raps...adorate...staff skit night...the goodnight prayer...the pool trail...the rules video...shameless fun...the old staff house...amazing friends...crafts...fruitworks...overcast beach day...baywatch run...the theme skit...inside jokes...if you can't see the camera...slurpees...the cliffs...camp food...the zipline...memory verses...program week...morning devos...the Bible rap...cabin rats...the sewage issues...pizza my heart...the costume closet...awards ceremony...the willow trees...song cards...
and well, I'm sure there are a lot more things...
Such grand and great memories.
Thanks to everyone who was a part of my life those summers!

If you read this and you worked at Frontier, post some of your favorite memories and when you worked there!

Moving from Arkansas to California

2007-07-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

So I've had quite the move from Arkansas to California.
I graduated from JBU on May 5 and the packing began shortly after.
I left Arkansas on May 21st. First stop: Kansas.
Kansas was great! I stayed with my friend Ellen and we had some great talks, went to Drubers where we met up with Laura, Derek and his friend. Late night donuts=not so good on the tummy.
A little thought about Kansas-it's flat and I'm not a big fan, but I do have to say that they have incredible sunsets. wow.

Me and Ellen

Me and Laura

Next Stop: Colorado for like 3 days.
I left Kansas and headed west toward Colorado, leaving behind all the flatness.
I met up with my friend Jeremy whose parents own a rafting company. rafting for free. heck yes. thank you mr and mrs grant.
I got to be the guinea pig for the new guides which was fun and scary all at the same time. The water was freezing so we got to wear these super attractive outfits. But the experience and staying somewhat warm was worth how ridiculous you look.
The trip down the Arkansas river lasted basically all day. We pulled out a couple of times for water and bathroom breaks. Wet clothes+going to the bathroom=at least 15 min. We rafted through the Royal Gorge which is comprised of rock on both sides of you. "please jesus don't let me die" went through my head at least once. Thank goodness I was sitting in the back at this point. The thrill of rafting was so amazing. I miss this much adventure in my life. I also got a cool t-shirt. Way to go Jeremy-my amazing graphic design/illustration friend. here are a few pictures:

On the river with Jeremy

Jeremy helping some of the guides with their training

I left Jeremy's and headed North to see Brittany! Brittany is by far one of the sweetest people I know and one of my best friends from JBU. We just chilled out at her house, talked and ate food (what we do best-haha).

Boulder, CO was next on the horizon. On the way to Kelly and Jeremy's I drove past some of the most amazing sights I've ever seen...rolling hills of green, mountains, blue skies and white fluffy clouds forever. It was incredible. I stayed the night at Kelly and Jeremy's who gave up their bed for me because Kelly likes to sleep in different places. She is so silly. She told me about how on their honeymoon they were able to switch bungalows every couple nights. Their story is quite phenomenal. God had his hand in every part of their relationship. It's one of the best stories I've heard but it's too long to share here-maybe another time. I had a fabulous dinner with them and then we stayed up until about 1am talking and watching my senior film. It was such fun! The next morning I went to Pearl street in Boulder to take some pictures and then went to the airport to pick up Cortney! The driving again-beautiful! Picking up Cortney was an adventure but we had fun and it was so great to see her! Then I left Colorado.

Kelly, Jeremy and I

Dad and kid in Boulder

Creepy Colorado Dude

Cortney and I in my stuffed car

On the road again...
From Colorado I went up and through the Southern part of Wyoming, giving a shout out to my friend Joel-I even called him. Too bad he lived too far north. The trip to Salt Lake City was long but beautiful. I stayed with my sister's bff and our family friend. Peggy and her FOUR children welcomed me with open arms. We just chilled out and then went into the city. Going to the LDS temple was interesting. It was late, so it was dark and it seemed to loom under the moon and gave off a rather eerie presence. Although picturesque, it was dark. We left the temple and passed by several taco trucks. We gave into our craving and stopped. yummy tacos. A little questionable, but still good and no sick tummy's. The next day I took family pictures for Peggy and then I was off for my longest trek...through Nevada and into California! So very exciting!

Peggy, Lilyana and Me at the Taco Shop

As I drew closer to California, I stopped to eat dinner at In-n-Out. Scrumptious. First time in I don't know how long. After a long detour to avoid an accident, I finally made it to Sacramento. I arrived at my best friend Alicia's place. We did so much and I even got to see her new house before they moved in...beautiful. I left Alicia and Doug's, went to Brian Boone's graduation from Sac State, hung out with the Boone's and then made my way to Modesto.

Me and Alicia.

With the Boone Brothers

Finally in California-of course, I've now been here for a while...more on that for another post.

can you ever really be sick of weddings?

2007-06-23T00:24:00.000-07:00

maybe when you are a month away from being 30 and you don't have a boyfriend...

enough about my personal life.

So, last weekend I was the videographer for my friend Kristin's wedding and tonight I was the photographer for my friend Adam's wedding. I'm quite the wedding hopper these days and yet I am always versitile in my responsibilities with all I do...bridesmaid, scripture reader, program handerouter, present table bouncer, videographer, photographer and more. It really is quite the adventure.

Last weekend I was in Texas. It was such an amazing time. I saw people I haven't seen in SO long and was so blessed by my friends now husband's family and friends. It really is something when a bride and groom center their relationship around the Lord...it was so evident and such an encouragement to me and I know to many others. It was too bad all the groomsmen were married...I'm not even sure if there was a single guy at the wedding....plenty of us single girls.
here's a picture of the Modesto girls with Keith and Kristin:

Tonight was a wedding in Lodi. It was quite different. A good friend got married and it was quite chaotic. It was all planned last minute and mostly by the groom-who knew? I felt a little bad for the groom's family because they put a lot into the wedding, including money and it was obvious that it was not as appreciated as it should have been. My heart is a little sad by that...to see a bride arrive 2 hours late, and make guests wait for her to take over an hour to get ready. It was a little frustrating but it all worked out. My organizational self just had a hard time relating to that kind of attitude, especially to those who had done a lot for you...oh my. It was such a lovely wedding and they had a blast. I hope it was as great as everyone had anticipated and I hope all the pictures are to their liking....oh pleasing people....
what has become of my life...
oh wait...I've always been a people-pleaser.

the gypsy life

2007-06-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

Today I leave for yet another place to lay my head.
Since I left Arkansas about a month ago, I have slept in 12 different places.
The gypsy life is not very glamorous. I'm really ready to settle somewhere soon....
another few weeks and about 4-6 more different sleeping locations.

you really learn a lot about a person by the way they live and the food they eat.

more to come.

back in california

2007-06-06T12:45:00.001-07:00

So I've decided to finally start an actual blog that is my own and not myspace or facebook or what have you.

I recently moved back to California although living as a sort of gypsy out of my car until I settle somewhere soon. I graduated from John Brown University on May 5 and now it is obvious that my life has started. ha. I'm happy to be back in California but a little part of me will always miss Arkansas and the 2.5 years I spent there.

I just wanted to get this rolling, but I will be back and hopefully often.