fear

fear consumes me tonight...or rather this morning.
so much going on in life but it has been overshadowed by an unknown illness.
i have been fighting a cold for over a month. on and off again.
now it is something worse.
i was up all night with a fever and chills due to an unsightly vision taking over my throat.
my left tonsil is engorged, swollen, inflamed, what have you.
behind the tonsil on the back of my throat are sores that look like bubbles of flesh. this is causing the most excruciating pain.
i've taken a number of medicines and herbal supplements not to mention a constant self prescribed dose of ibuprofen and hydrocodone. i feel like a pill popper. ridiculous.
but the pain persists. it is less intense but it remains as i try to talk and swallow and breathe.
tomorrow i am going to to the doctor and pray that i can afford it since i don't have health insurance. i hate our medical system.
i did some reading and have discovered that my symptoms (some not even mentioned) are due to either tonsillitis or oral cancer on top of probably strep throat.
i'm so incredibly scared. whichever my diagnosis...there still lies a lot of pain, most likely surgery, long recovery and lots of bills.
i'm already having a hard time making rent. now i might have to take more time off?
i'm so tired and weak and i'm tired of all the drama in my life...more on that another time.

please pray for me...for the sickness, pain and the financial strain.

more than a month

it's been awhile little blog. sorry.
so much has happened.
much to tell...
tomorrow